Intersection 33

When impulse meets disbelief...

More than one year after my last note, and I have lesser expectations than usual. Who was the last person who read any of my notes. Were any of my words somehow comforting for someone out there? Were any of my words inspiring enough to help someone out there? Were my words sufficient enough to fulfill their purpose?

I have no idea, and I am unexpectedly calm about it.

One year. A lot has changed in one year. Thoughts, behavior, words. They all have added a few dimensions to them. Memories. Most of my current ones are focused on things that make me smile. Of things that make me believe I can do better, and not bitter. Of things that I can be proud of.

Close by Nick Jonas and Tove Lo is playing in the background. The song sounds better with a nice cup of tea. What have I decided to write about? Impulse and disbelief. Some things are not meant to happen according to your schedule. Surprises are the trademark of life. Surprises catch you off guard. They attempt to prove your values, and test how you will go along with the flow or remain stubborn.

Sometimes, surprises just leave your mouth shut and your mind jumbled.

When an impulse of doing something you may regret is stronger than the fear of possible regret, your mind calls for a roller-coaster like celebration... like an exhilarating jump from a cliff. Probably, like a sudden dip in freezing water then allowing the sun to heat your skin. Ironies. Life is full of ironies. My words seem to be following no pattern now, but they somehow make sense to me. These words somehow explain the thoughts that I did not allow myself to be bothered with. These words attempt to clarify my self-doubt about possibilities, and about things that may come sooner or later.

I'll end this note with a vagueness.

Until the next impulse,

Myra

Intersection 32

When disbelief and a rebellious attitude meet....

When someone has an opportunity to affect lives, isn't it a wasted chance if he or she manipulates the situation to inflict torture to young minds? I feel frustrated having to deal with the thoughts that something I cherish and want to promote is to remain a bad memory to other people just because of wrong choices of the ones in 'power'. I understand man's need for authority, the need to be looked up to. I understand man's need for success, the need for titles and recognition from esteemed bodies and parties of specific careers. I understand man's need for individuality, the need to be unique among the millions of Homo Sapiens Sapiens walking on this planet. What I do not understand is the sadistic need of some people to inflict suffering - subtle or obvious - upon their co-humans. I do not understand why there are people who would adore bathing in the expressions of torture they see from others. I do not understand how some people can appear to be compassionate and empathetic, when their horns cannot actually compare to their invisible halos.

I just feel rebellious.

While I am in utter disbelief about how my mind is processing the senseless logic of some people, I am hoping to see the brighter side of these situations. I have high hopes for humanity, not only in the optimistic views that most people can quickly associate to it. Cliche as it may sound, anyone can be an instrument of change. But having stated the most recent sentence, my mind brings me back to how some people just choose to make sour (or bitter) wounds out of supposedly good memories. I can't put in order the debating sides in my head.

Just as I have decided to write about this, I feel apologetic to the youth who become more exposed to emotional (and mental) roller coasters just because older (and supposedly wiser) people believe they have the entire right to 'feed' the youth with lessons. These people do not feed the youth. They are choking the youth. High levels of potential and creativity are suppressed (and sometimes eventually die), drowning in the 'glory' of the mentors they have been taught to acknowledge. How frustrating is it to merely know this? How bad shall it get for other people to realize the dangers of this authority-minority conflict? To what extent shall we allow this conflict to happen? For me, I write this note to expose my determination to stop this kind of conflict. I write this note as I aim to minimize the damages to the youth's power.

I hope you realize something you strongly believe in, and decide to fight for it.

Until the next disbelief,
Myra

(Credits to clipartfinder.com for the photo)

Intersection 31

When determination and convention meet...

Change is the only thing permanent in the world. While I am strongly attached to the previous sentence, I find myself facing the difficulty of presenting change to the people around me. There is a fine line between looking like a 'know-it-all' and expressing a potentially good idea for the betterment of the status quo, and I cannot entirely dare to make a bold move now.

What a shame.

Not that I cannot stand by my decision (if ever) to begin change, but there are a lot of factors I ought to consider (and reconsider) if ever I do decide to make my foot take a step forward. I guess there are things that are very much intertwined with convention, including the insinuating close-mindedness of beings. Age ideally earns wisdom, which is not always the case. I do have a certain respect for people who have a good number of years on their shoulders already, but I cringe at the fact that potentials are lost because of how other people perceive a situation. Experience ought to make us better ... certainly not bitter.

I have a long way to go, whether it be in my career, in my personal life, in the improvement of my belief systems and eventually my character. Many people will have to be a part (and depart) from my life for me to learn certain things. Many situations will test me to bend rules or my convictions. Many things will aim to try to affect me in ways I have never imagined. Many more strikes will life give me before I can define how determined I can really be.

Convention and change. Two words wrestling in my mind at the moment. They probably can never see each other in the eye, but is it possible for them to compromise? Can I ever understand the balance of both in the choice I ought to make? Must I sacrifice my need to change the status quo just because convention makes things easier? Or can I rock the boat of convention to allow the water-like change to flow into convention's holes?

I hope you find something conventional to challenge.

Until the next determined move,
Myra

(The photo is mine :) )

Intersection 30

When an unexpected situation and hyperactivity meet...

Today, I have experienced being a substitute adviser of a Grade 1 class - a very overwhelming experience I don't know how to begin talking about.

Meeting 20 children at once is something I have not anticipated recently. I am fond of dealing with children, but being a class adviser seemed to be too far out against my interest. I know children are hyperactive and playing is one of their primary activities, but watching almost everyone in class attend to a different thing or game made me want to get out of the classroom. But I didn't.

The children I have dealt with today proved my adoration for children. They may be too chaotic often. They spill their drinks or are clumsy with their things. They may tease each other with sometimes senseless words (or jokes), but then they eventually play with each other after a few minutes. They may accidentally (sometimes intentionally) hit their classmates, but they will be interested in a game or a toy. Children are cute packages of contradictions. Some pupils randomly gave me a hug or told me I'm kind, even if I've raised the tone of my voice to get their attention. Some pupils do not need supervision while they are copying notes while others constantly update me about what word they're currently writing down. The entire day was definitely full of these kinds of things - happening almost at the same time.

*sigh* I still feel too active for my own good right now. Though I didn't have my recess and only spent five minutes for lunch, today has been packed with lessons I cannot learn in school. My respect for teachers has increased so much, that I would want to give every teacher I ever had a Thank You note (and a day-off for them to pamper themselves). I didn't even notice that I stood for hours straight, consciously checking on every child in class. What an example of sacrifice teachers truly make!

Having written a post about being a teacher, I feel proud about giving it a shot. I now know that I can handle a class of children. but I have plenty of things to work on. I missed the guidance office in that short span of time, and I can't imagine myself being an official class adviser anytime soon. Well, let's see how things will unfold.

I hope you find an unexpected situation you can be hyperactive about.

Until the next situation,

Myra

(Credits to clipartpanda.com for the photo)

Intersection 29

When an idea and courage meet...

I haven't written any plot for a potential story or novel for a long time now, though I have finished writing a novel (I believe it is a novel since I reached more than 200 pages of it in Microsoft Publisher) last year. It was a story that took me two years to accomplish. I have posted a few chapters on some websites for readers, but I haven't gotten much feedback. Some of my friends have also read the initial drafts of the story. The story follows the complications of teenage life, and I am unsure if I gave justice to the original idea behind the novel.

And after more than two years of waiting (and feeling scared) of a big idea, I have decided to push myself to finish a new novel. A novel that I shall post via Wattpad. I understand the risk of being ignored and the risk of not having feedback for a long time, but I am ready for everything. I do picture this upcoming story of mine to make some people interested, but I will not expect. I will post chapters of the story as if I'm doing my blog - at my own pace, and at the right time.

The story's plot came to me at an unexpected time. And because I didn't want to jinx the story, I haven't given anyone a clue about what it will be all about. Writing this story will be  a challenge for me, but it is a challenge I will joyfully undergo. The journey of making the ideas come to life is exciting. This move will not be a make or break one for me, but it will surely determine how I will work about it in the future. I have many plans to publish books soon, someday and in the far future. I have the goal to establish my name in libraries and bookshelves.

And everything continues with this story.

I hope you do have the courage to make an idea a reality.

Until the next courageous move,

Myra

(Credits to scriptmag.com for the photo)

Intersection 28

When a marked date and impulse meet...

First of all, I want to greet you a Happy Valentines Day! I hope you had an amazing time with your special someone, with your family or friends, maybe even some quality time for yourself.  I currently do not have a special someone to celebrate Valentines Day as a partner, but this does not mean that I feel less happy. Though I am curious about how it will feel to celebrate February 14 with a romantic partner, I am in no hurry for that experience. I have my family and friends to celebrate it with at the moment.

I spent the first half of the day at work. There was not much things to do, but I felt excited because I received my weekly salary (something I was not expecting). Having realized that today was a marked day in the calendar, I immediately thought about a possible surprise I can give to my family. So I decided to buy a heart-shaped blueberry cheesecake - the first time I will do something unexpected during Valentines day. The idea of bringing smiles to my family's faces made me giddy. I would have been primarily bothered by the price of the cake in ordinary circumstances, but I guess the strong, loving vibe of this day encouraged my impulse. And I do not have any regrets about it.

Along with the acceptance of my tendency to act upon impulse, I realized that there is something positive we can get when we just go with what we feel like or what we think in a moment. I guess this is why I have a special appreciation and amazement for unique and sincere surprises. There is something very special about the heartwarming intentions and actions of anyone who would be brave and willful enough to push through with surprises to create precious memories for the recipient/s. The thrill of keeping things a secret for a certain time, then revealing everything at the right moment is an exhilaration I would love to remake anytime.

Even with the possible jitters and excitement one can feel, there are also some people who are not fond of surprises. They prefer having a clue about what will happen or what they're missing. Maybe they need to have a sense of control in every situation for them to feel at ease. I do understand why some people feel this way, but I always wonder how their perception might change. And if I meet someone who dislikes surprises, I would probably try my best to change his/her idea about it.

Well, this post is quite long enough so I will stop here. I hope you find someone whom you will surprise because of a good impulse.

Until the next date,

Myra

(Credits to http://data3.whicdn.com/images/34522870/original.jpg for the photo)

Intersection 27

When a song and reminiscence meet...

In my new job, majority of the people around me are younger than me. From preschool, elementary and high school students, I feel amazed at how I can easily observe the differences of their generation from mine. Ah... I often feel too old when I mentally take note of the changes I see. Anyway, I shall save my reflections on the comparisons and contrasts for another post (or two).

Today, I was filled with enthusiasm and an overwhelming sense of glee as I heard the students sang one of the famous themes of the High School Musical entitled Everyday. As far as I remember (and I hope I am right), this was the song showcased during the graduation of the characters in the movie-series. I smiled at myself, thinking about how real my attachment to the movie-series is. I couldn't even believe myself for singing along to about two-thirds of the song the very first time the students tried singing it. My sentimental persona was exposed because of this. I don't regret it though.

Memories of my high school years passed as if they happened decades ago. I don't know if I was just too focused on my idea about how old I think I am, but the rush of emotions led me to replay the mini movies of my life. Seeing the people present in these mini-movies revealed a sense of curiosity in me. I thought about how they were doing now. Were most of them working? I know some of my high school batch mates were still finishing college, but I hoped they would graduate as soon as they can. Will I ever meet everyone again? Maybe in random cafes, or in random strolls in the mall or parks. Maybe we will even be colleagues or business partners. Maybe they have thought of our mini-movies too. Maybe they have forgotten about it.

While I bought myself back to the present moment, I knew there were some things that happen just because they paved way for new insights. The life-filled memories keep us connected to ourselves and to other people. In ways we sometimes do not mind, small details of our current lives try to bring us back to what has happened. The things we have regarded as random until we have noticed them, like songs, become signs of the glee we thought as contentment, the pain we thought as enduring, the surprise we thought was unbearable. And however we perceive these details, or the memories that come along with them, there will always come times that we give ourselves a smile.

I hope you hear a song that will remind you of something (or someone).

Until the next reminiscence,

Myra

(Credits to academichelp.net for the photo)