Intersection 22

When the holiday season and reflection meet...

Recently, I have been more sensitive and irritable. I am unsure if these things are brought about my increasing comfort with doing less things than usual or if it is because I have too many plans I don't really know how to work with. With the atmosphere of the holiday season fading, my mind feels slightly heavy with more thoughts about the new year.

I am about to embark on a journey of having work and studies at the same time. And though I am excited about having plenty of servings on my plate, I can't help but doubt my capacity to juggle responsibilities. Two months passed by faster than I imagined, leaving me with moments of laziness and self-doubt, happiness and hope. The degrees of the emotional roller coaster gave me shivers and made me want to scream at the top of my lungs at times.

With all the overwhelming sensations of having to deal with myself and the world around me, I am still stunned about how I understand the motions, subtle or made, of interactions along the universe I recognize. I remain in awe at how different tones and words, spoken or silenced, register in my mind. I am yet to learn more things from future days.

I have also thought about the possibilities of dissolving relationships. I realize that I am too afraid to make mistakes, afraid that a small hint of my stubbornness or carelessness can lead me to losing people I deeply cherish. I realize that though I try my best to protect the connections I have with these people, there is still that percentage that the other party may choose to cut the strings. There is still the percentage of the strings to wear off in time. And the idea of the absence of these strings scare me. These things prove my preference about having little misunderstandings in a span of time than having one major issue that can possibly break all ties,

Maybe this is how I will learn more about life in general. I have lessened the way I expect the world to work in terms that prove to primarily benefit me, but there are always repercussions. Everything cannot be handed to us at the same time. Maybe this time is meant for me to figure out who I really am. Maybe this is the time when I need to experience losing relationships for me to learn how to bend the rules I have established, if ever I really can.

I have more thoughts I can share, but this post is long enough already. I hope you have a good reflection soon too.

Until the next holiday-like elation,

Myra

(Credits to finerminds.com for the photo)