Intersection 1

When unemployment and unfamiliar familiarity meet...

Waking up today gave me shivers down my spine... literally. I was very surprised to feel myself hugging something (which turned out to be my Winnie the Pooh stuffed toy) and being too close to the ceiling. My subconscious was not properly informed about the sudden change in environment. I was subconsciously waiting to wake up in the room I was staying in when I was in Manila. I was subconsciously expecting to see a big cabinet, a wall clock, a quite cluttered desk and a full length mirror when I open my eyes.

But I saw white ceiling and a curtain rod. I sat up in an instant and glanced around, shocked by the fact that I was a few meters above the ground (since I was sleeping on the upper bed of a double deck bed). I was stunned. Really stunned.

I was at home, but I guess my mind was not yet entirely engaged in the situation. Home was not a status quo. It has not been a status quo for five months. Home was a foreign idea, something I can only grasp during a long weekend.

Sunshine peeked through the window and curtains. Then it hit me. I really was home. I took a deep breath and laid back on the bed. I stared at the ceiling for a while and found myself feeling very grateful about my decision of leaving Manila.

For the first time in a long time, I was at peace with myself. I no longer felt the spells of self-doubt and conflict. I no longer dreaded the ticking sound of the clock. I no longer looked at the clock like it was something that can save me from internal torture. I no longer saw windows as gates. I no longer see cellphones and computers as triggers of pressure. I know these things may not make sense to most people, but I was very affected by small details in the recent months. It may have been primarily my fault to over think (or over feel), but the dips of the roller coaster ride shook me pretty harshly.

As mentioned in my previous post, I do not regret having been employed for five months. My childhood dream of being tapped for work became reality with the help of my first employment, but there were just too many things that affected my choice of moving back home. I have taken in a lot of life lessons, which will most probably be reflected in my future posts. Having been searched to become an employee is an honor, but I think it's time for me to look for the 'career' I'd want to be remembered for. There is definitely no doubt my first job has taught me a lot of life lessons, but it's time for me to take the first steps of building myself first then sharing what I can offer. As Liz Ryan (an inspiring person I am following in LinkedIn, whom I never would have encountered without being connected to my first employer) said, "Only the people who get you, deserve you." Not that my first employer doesn't get me, it's just that I don't completely get myself. And without getting myself, I cannot give my best to a company - or anyone for that matter. I didn't want to be unfair and selfish. I just felt the strong need to get in touch with me.

And the last sentence may have seemed very wrong and twisted. In any case, I am doing this blog to record my personal growth. I hope I can receive feedback soon or inspire someone soon.

Until the next unfamiliarity,

Myra

(Credit to mistymornings.com for the pic)