When preoccupations and disappointment meet...
I have always cherished the friendships I am involved in. And I really feel dismayed that I have disappointed two of my closest friends recently. All because I am not entirely myself. Well, I would not find excuses in my behavior, I have always honored meetings and commitments with my friends (any anyone for that matter), but these two situations have opened my mind to the harsh reality of what I am currently going through.
Grateful as I am right now, I don't really know how to solve the negative feelings I have caused.
I realized that I was too immersed in getting in touch with the plans I am creating for myself that I forgot how other people were affected by my lack of consideration. Insensitive. I rarely describe myself as such, but I feel sincerely apologetic about my actions (or lack thereof). I am currently allowing time to let the self-disappointment and degree of self-blame settle, but I shall soon make an effort to be okay with my friends.
Now that we are all traveling the paths we are creating for ourselves, the idea of having a friendship rattled by a person's change in personality or mindset is scary. These friendships have signified years in my life and I am not willing to have it cracked because of my swimming in the pool of self-reflection. Having friendships (or relationships) catch the residue of self-pity or self-blame is simply unfair. But, the decision to keep relationships never rely on just one party. I hope things will not entirely change because of an incident... because I am not really sure what I'd do if that happens.
I may be over thinking again, giving emphasis on something that may not matter in the scale I am placing it on, but I cannot afford not to feel like I have betrayed them in a way. Goodness. I don't know how to end this note without hints of my panic, but I'll do it in anyway.
I hope you find a way to make amends with someone you cherish.
Until the next preoccupation,
Myra
(Credits to facebook-cover-photos.com for the photo)
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