Intersection 21

When a conversation and excitement meet...

I am ecstatic to have opportunities to meet people from various places. I am interested in having conversations with people who have been exposed to different cultures. I am grateful for features of social networking sites that allow friends from two different countries to go beyond the typical chat room to connect.

Yesterday, I got the chance to have a ten minute call to an Indonesian friend of mine. Thanks to a social networking site we have learned from the Korean group we both massively like.

I did not know how to greet. All I remember is my hear thumping loudly as I heard her say the first hello. It has been more than a year since our first conversation in Facebook, and hearing her voice seemed to be too far from a realistic situation. We have shared a common dream of meeting in the near future, probably attending a concert of Big Bang (the Korean group I mentioned in the earlier paragraph). We are currently administrators of a fan page dedicated to update co-VIPs (name of Big Bang's fandom) about the talented and loved group, which has given more reasons to keep our friendship.

Our short conversation was more than what I could ask for. Though there were a few seconds of interruption, due to unstable internet connection, we managed to speak comfortably. I felt like talking to someone I have known for a good number of years. There was no awkward silences, something I strongly feared before. I felt no hesitation, confiding one of my fears. I also liked the distinct accent of her tone. She said it was probably because she was not well experienced in speaking English, but I disagreed. I am a bit certain I could recognize her voice when we meet in person someday.

My happiness about our conversation spilled through this day. Though I am still in a level of disbelief, about finally having a conversation with an online friend, I am certain she's included in the list of people I would love to have a lifetime of friendship with. I do hope she feels the same.

********
To my friend:

For through these veins,
My life is passing,
My life is starting and coursing.
With an end indefinite,
With an end unclear,
I watch the beat on my wrist.
I am awake.
And ahead of me is a wonderful journey.

*******

I hope you have an exciting conversation with a person from another country too.

Until the next excitement,

Myra

(Credits to 1001callingcards.com for the photo)

Intersection 20

When an occasion meets guilt...

Time check: 12:27 am of December 26, 2014... the day after Christmas. The celebration spent with family and friends. And with festive mood and warm hearts come food -  which primarily motivates this post.

I find myself alternating between feelings of satisfaction, joy and guilt as I try to control my eating sessions during the holidays. I ought to have fun, enjoying myself among the company of people around me, but I can't help but think about how to lose the pounds after all these food fests have passed.

A problem I am certain most people will be frustrated about in the beginning of 2015.

Though a side of me rationalizes why it's okay for me to give in to eating food I can eat, there is still that voice who scolds me and instantly tries to compute the calories I will be transmitting to my digestive system once I set my eyes on a slice of cake or a half-serving of pasta or rice. And even if I try my best to satisfy my craving for certain food, I still feel guilty of even considering the idea of eating something just because I want to.

I guess this makes for an interesting variety in the human mind. We can contradict ourselves in an instant. When we think we can push through with an action, something pulls us back. When we are almost certain about deciding on something, an idea tries to negate what we are choose. Taking these into account, the opposing forces we subconsciously entertain create a level of tension in us. Maybe this strongly affects how confident we are. Maybe this affects how we deal with people. Maybe this affects how we perceive the world.

The natural tendencies to agree or disagree with ourselves somehow lead to a creation of deciding personas - protagonist and antagonist. I just thought of this as I am typing these words. Everyone has these types of deciding personas. And it is up to us which persona will win in any given situation. Will we choose the one who boosts our confidence, supporting the positive effects of the choice? Or will we choose the one who gives us a heads-up, cautious and alert about the negative effects of a choice? Well, I shall be subjected to push-pull battle of my personas as I gear myself up for rounds of eating in the next few days. And I am hoping I will make the right choices.

I hope you understand your deciding personas as well.

Until the next occasion,

Myra

(Credits to harbour-plaza.com for the photo)

Intersection 19

When anxiety and relief meet...

More than twenty-five years spent in a company, my father is officially retired from the world of work. He now has all the time to do the things he has long planned for, maybe even be involved in activities that will just make him happier. We are all happy for this milestone in our family.

But I feel new waves of anxiety. The anxiety about a life's irony - of dad formally leaving the workplace while I am just to start.

I have already made a decision with regard to my career dilemma. The terms about my second employment will be discussed early next year. And having me finally say it makes it somehow, surreal. The time I have spent to ponder on what I want to do and where I am needed not only has given me answers, but also more indefinitely structured questions. Maybe this is how the world (or even life) works. When you have decided to take a break, you'd sooner or later figure out that you have more things to figure out. Just when you thought you needed space to think, you realize that you needed the same space to act. You cannot just let yourself wonder about what ifs. You cannot just let yourself focus on where you must have went wrong. I realized that you also need to give yourself credit. You need to have assurance that your mistakes do not define you. Instead, these errors will be the primary steps for you to create change.

I also feel anxious about the possibilities that will unfold once I sign a contract. The piece of paper will introduce me to a new side of the world of work, probably pushing me out of my comfort zones or expanding my comfort zones. The piece of paper will be the beginning to a journey, unknown and unfamiliar... but can be very fulfilling.

These lines seem to spill from an overflow of my rambled thoughts. An overflow I cannot judge to be as meaningful as how you may see it or as helpful as how I wanted them to be. These lines seem to make less sense the more I try to pattern them from my ideal self. However chaotic or organized these lines may be, I hope they will have more sense and fit in the bigger puzzle I'll be viewing in the future - the mosaic of how I have lived. And with this thought, I feel relieved to begin.

Until the next anxious moment,

Myra

(Credits to alphaheart.com for the photo)

Intersection 18

When preoccupations and disappointment meet...

I have always cherished the friendships I am involved in. And I really feel dismayed that I have disappointed two of my closest friends recently. All because I am not entirely myself. Well, I would not find excuses in my behavior, I have always honored meetings and commitments with my friends (any anyone for that matter), but these two situations have opened my mind to the harsh reality of what I am currently going through.

Grateful as I am right now, I don't really know how to solve the negative feelings I have caused.

I realized that I was too immersed in getting in touch with the plans I am creating for myself that I forgot how other people were affected by my lack of consideration. Insensitive. I rarely describe myself as such, but I feel sincerely apologetic about my actions (or lack thereof). I am currently allowing time to let the self-disappointment and degree of self-blame settle, but I shall soon make an effort to be okay with my friends.

Now that we are all traveling the paths we are creating for ourselves, the idea of having a friendship rattled by a person's change in personality or mindset is scary. These friendships have signified years in my life and I am not willing to have it cracked because of my swimming in the pool of self-reflection. Having friendships (or relationships) catch the residue of self-pity or self-blame is simply unfair. But, the decision to keep relationships never rely on just one party. I hope things will not entirely change because of an incident... because I am not really sure what I'd do if that happens.

I may be over thinking again, giving emphasis on something that may not matter in the scale I am placing it on, but I cannot afford not to feel like I have betrayed them in a way. Goodness. I don't know how to end this note without hints of my panic, but I'll do it in anyway.

I hope you find a way to make amends with someone you cherish.

Until the next preoccupation,

Myra

(Credits to facebook-cover-photos.com for the photo)

Intersection 17

When opportunities meet anxiety...

I was quite sure that I wanted to teach after I have decided to leave Manila. After a month of having neither an obligation to a school or to a job, I felt the need to look for career opportunities. My impulsive search began by scanning the phone book. After gathering my courage to call schools to inquire for possible job openings, I let my fingers dial the numbers of different schools. Two of them gave me positive feedback, inviting me to drop by the school to give my resume.

Ecstatic. My random trial has given me a few things to look forward to. What I didn't expect was the difficulty that followed next.

I applied for the pre-school teacher position. However, one of the two schools offered me the opportunity to be the sole guidance counselor of the school next academic year. I was surprised by the offer, primarily because it seemed more than what I was asking for. I felt overwhelmed by the possible responsibilities I could have on my shoulders. It was a challenge I was interested in.

And the idea of having two options suddenly became too scary.

My applications for both schools progressed at the same time, leaving me little room to really weigh the pros and cons of each opportunity. The choices seemed to be based on a difference of change in perspective and gaining professional experience. There are also many factors that I need to consider, and I don't want to be selfish. But I would also want to do something I think can help me more.

I still don't know how I will get to my decision. I have asked some people's opinions about this dilemma of mine, and so far, votes are coming in for both options. I am not sure what I'm looking for. Validation of my thoughts? Reassurance that my decision will be for the better? The support I need if ever I will come across major crossroads towards my career goals? Or just wanting to know how people view me in the options?

I have read something about a possible solution when one is experiencing doubt. It's about tossing a coin, assigning one option to heads and another to tails. Once the coin is in the air, you're supposed to know what side you'd want the coin to land on. I can do that with my problem as well, but I'm really not ready to solidly hope for only one option to come up above the other.

What do I do? This can be something that can really be solved easily. Or it can be something that can decide major events in the near future. I'll be asking for a sign from Him, that He may lead me to where I am more needed. To the place where I am bound to learn what I need.

I hope you find good opportunities soon.

Until the next anxiety attack,

Myra

(Credits to thebridgemaker.com for the photo)

Intersection 16

When friendship and a wedding meet...

Last Saturday, I have witnessed the first wedding of a friend of mine. I felt ecstatic seeing the beautiful bride feeling nervous as her assistants fix her gown for her. She smiled at us as we waved at her. We wanted to talk to her or even give her a hug before she walks down the aisle, but the busy atmosphere led us inside the church.The place was nicely decorated. People were excited to see how the bride looked like. It was our friend's day after all.

A few minutes after we settled on the pews, the voice of the choir filled the air and everyone stood. Seconds pass and I suddenly feel nervous for our friend. How must she be feeling? I bet for a few moments before stepping into the church, she thought about the entire event as surreal. Everyone had their eyes on the church's entrance, adjusting themselves to have the perfect view of the gorgeous bride.

The wedding hymn echoed and our friend began to walk, slowly and cautiously. She had all the time on her side. We saw her wipe away a few tears. Me and my friends probably felt teary-eyed with her, but we didn't need words to assure us of anything. She smiled again, as if the tears she has just cried were imaginary. I thought I saw her laugh a little at herself - just the way she has always been, I didn't see much of what happened when she reached her husband-to-be, but I guess everything happened according to plan.

As the celebration of our friend's wedding progressed, I felt like our lives are moving in a faster speed. There were a few times I caught myself zoning out, trying my best to confirm the reality of the situation I was involved in. A friend of mine is really getting married. She will soon have a different surname. I ended up smiling, feeling happy for our friend who is having the time of her life.

Being a part of someone's milestone in life may be slightly overwhelming, especially when you feel like you're still trying your best to get out of quicksand. Even if I maybe currently experiencing the opposite pole of the emotional continuum, I feel assured that there are people who will celebrate with me when I reach my life's milestones. We may be going into different directions, having endless opportunities to meet different people, but I would want to believe that there will always be something that will pull us together. I would want to believe that there is something that can bind us for a few more experiences together, no matter when it may be or where we may be.

A unity called friendship can always be the string that keeps us connected.

I hope you will be filled with happiness as you become a part of someone's milestone.

Until the next milestone,

Myra

(Credits to boards.weddingbee.com for the photo)

Intersection 15

When reminiscence and a celebration meet...

Two hours is a long time to wait for a show to start. But the waiting part will probably prove to be the least of one's concern when the show begins. This is what happened when I and my brother watched the lantern parade sponsored by my Alma Mater (also my brother's current university). People gathered in the streets as early as 4 pm (I am assuming this is what happened since we found our spot at around 5:15 pm.) The famous city road was closed since the morning of December 1st, and there were drawings, doodles and random words (or messages) drawn on cement with colored chalk. It was interesting to see children (and even adults) find fun and cooperation in the activity of expressing themselves. There were a few drawings or words that have been erased and drawn over, but the entire road seemed to somehow summarize the festive mood.

A lot of things happened prior to the beginning of the lantern parade (in our spot and nearby area, at least), but I wouldn't enumerate them here. Though I would like to express a little feeling of irritation at the way some people did not seem to understand the excitement of the audience. Some people just pushed themselves through the already positioned audience, seemingly having no interest in the parade. I would not blame them if they didn't want to watch, but having the crowd shift positions to entertain people to pass is something that can create tension and spoil the audience's excitement. Oh well, skipping that part...

Fireworks became a nice introduction to the parade. I guess everyone is anticipating the first day of December. A few minutes after the fireworks, the lantern parade began. People stood and techie devices became secondary eyes. There were no flashes, yet the parade was met by paparazzi-like treatment. The feeling of being involved in such a scene is overwhelmingly exhilarating - in a good way. It was as if everyone was united for a good cause. Everyone wanted to get the best possible photos (most probably to share on SNS). Everyone wanted to have the perfect view - including me.

Having taken photos of the parade made me realize that it has been a year since our batch has participated in the awaited event. One year. How fast time really moves. I suddenly missed the crazy practice schedules, the way everyone buzzed about the steps we were to learn (quickly and perfectly), the way we cooperated and got into misunderstandings, the way every detail created new and stronger bonds, the way we laughed and cried, the way everything seemed too hectic for us to bear. Then I remembered her, the batch mate I became closer to because of the lantern parade. Her smile and the way she reminded me of how to execute our steps. Our exchange of opinions and stories. I feel very sad not having the chance to hear her voice or laugh again, of never having the chance to see her physically again.

As the lanterns of our department pass, I cannot help but feel proud of how our batch has had the privilege of being involved in such a celebration. We may have not won any award (which is something we will always be a little regretful of), but having the lantern parade experience bound us in a way only we understand, in a manner only we can explain and reminisce about later in our lives. And I know this yearly event will always remind us of what was.

I hope you remember something beautiful in a celebration that will happen soon.

Until the next celebration,

Myra

(Credits to thehouseofqueens.com for the photo)

Intersection 14

When I meet my university as a graduate…

After more than 5 months, I entered my university for the first time. The school was celebrating it’s Foundation Day, and I wanted to be involved in a special day which I somehow did not pay much attention to when I was still a student. I was very excited to see the place who took care of me for 4 years, but I was also shielded by a layer of panic and nervousness. I wonder how the place has changed, and if it will give me a feeling of awkwardness.

Getting past the gates and being immersed in the campus atmosphere proved to have an unsettling feeling. But this unsettling feeling leaned towards positive regard. The environment was similar, yet there were hints of change - new faces, new fashion statements, new topics and conversations - all boiled into one ball of nostalgic sense.

Walking on familiar ground made me feel a certain level of safety, a feeling that things will point to an outcome. Memories battled with one another as I watched how the students walked, talked and go on with university life. It was interesting to view the university from an outsider -an alumni’s - perspective. I suddenly remembered how I viewed outsiders back then. I somehow felt jealous about them not being stressed with piles of homework and projects, with examinations and activities.

But thinking about my jealousy in the past made me smile. Life after school is certainly not something to be engaged in with egoistic rush and tower-like confidence. The difficulty of life after school is most of the time incomparable to the moments when we felt like giving up because of requirements. Accomplishing goals after school is an everyday process. We can put deadlines, but the process is harsher. Sacrifices can be greater, and more painful.

After a few hours of roaming the campus, I left the school with some of my curiosities answered and also with more questions. These questions will constantly challenge me to make me into a better person than the student version of myself. These questions will encourage me to have the same determination I had when I was a student. Things can never always be in my favor, but I have a place I can visit to remind me of the problems in the past I thought were already difficult. And I am very grateful I have the chances I have now.

I hope you get to visit your Alma Mater.

Until the next visit,

Myra

(Credits to propofs.com for the photo)

Intersection 13

When a restaurant and me and my friends meet...

For the first time after graduation, me and my friends are complete for a date. I guess life has presented to us in different ways and different directions that we already need to have our schedules thoroughly checked for a group date to push through. Now that I am the only one in the group currently not busy with studies or work, I gave them the freedom to plan the day and time of our meeting. After a few conflicts in schedule, we have come to an agreement to have dinner last Sunday.

And I am grateful that our group date was a success.

Summarizing everything that happened to us in a limited amount of time proved to be a very difficult task, but I was surprised at how we glided through our stories. I haven't laughed so loud in a long time, and hearing my friends' jokes and comments made the entire evening lighter. Our laughter even gained glances and attention from other customers in the restaurant. Like similar moments in the past, we did hush for a few seconds and continued to laugh again - targeting the awkward situation we had just experienced. Maybe our individual and collective excitement cannot be contained. There were a few stories that made us feel sad or kept us quiet, but even the silence we shared seemed to be a mutual understanding.

Even if we were in a restaurant, the most expensive place we have been too so far (and as far as I remember), habits do die hard. We still aimed for ordering food that will satisfy our hunger, yet will not overwhelm our wallets. I find it funny that even after we have graduated, we still have the notion of tightening our pockets - as if we were still students working around allowances.

I haven't shared huge chunks of my previous experiences and realizations during that night, but I know they will listen to me if I am ready to speak my heart out. I felt at ease watching my friends eat, talk and laugh. My heart was at peace, knowing that these people around me are the people who will support me in whatever I plan to do. I felt assured that I will always find laughter and joy when I am with them. I felt confident that no matter how long it would take for our next meeting or how far we would all be coming from, these are the people who will find ways to make time for another group date. And for all these things, I feel very grateful.

Our lives are set for different paths. We may be separated by careers and distance, but I hope we would all grow as individuals bound by a relationship we have nurtured since our college days. I hope we would be present in the milestones of each other's lives. I hope our friendship would remain strong for the rest of our lives.

I hope you'd be surrounded by wonderful friends too.

Until the next date,

Myra

(Credits clipartpanda.com for the photo)

Intersection 12

When shock and reunion meet...

Grief is the most difficult reason for people to gather. A day has passed since the heart aching news of our batch mate's passing, and everyone is still in shock of the sudden turn of events. A day has passed with eyes still hurting from tears and hearts burning from pain. There is an endless list of questions forever left unanswered. There is an endless list of what ifs and could haves. There is an endless list of good things to be said about such an amazing person. There is an endless of wonderful memories to be replayed for years - no longer having a chance of being reminisced the same way ever again. These lists seem to be giving us a sense of sanity, a sense of pushing us to see all the positive perspectives around this situation. These lists somehow give us direction on how to move about, on how to try to go forward... without the presence of an inspiring soul.

But stepping ahead of all the pain appears to be impossible.

My feelings can never compare to her family, her loved ones and closest friends. We have had conversations and a few laughs. We have shared insights and jokes. We have been involved in memorable experiences in college. And though these moments can never amount to the level of closeness she had with some people, these moments have remained in my heart like gold-framed photographs.

She remains to be one of the most talented people I have met. Her voice can cause people to be silent in awe. Her laugh was contagious and she was brave to speak her mind. She may ask questions or state comments in random moments, sometimes causing you to just laugh. She is smart too. With all the things she has shared, I feel heartbroken to have plenty of her potentials remain as a haze. Potentials that could have improved her character. Potentials that should have amazed the world. Potentials that could have helped people, like she always wanted. And the phrase could have irritates my eyes.

Not even one year after graduation and our batch comes together, for a reason we have never expected. For a reason we will never be able to completely be detached with. For a reason we will never entirely understand. For a reason we will always shed tears for. For a reason we will have a scar in our hearts.

May you rest in the best and well-deserved peace possible. Your existence will always be a beautiful imprint in our memories.

With a heart ache and until the next reunion,

Myra

(Credits to hdwallpapersinn.com for the photo)

Intersection 11

When a sibling date and a Saturday meet...

Me and my siblings have watched Mockingjay Part 1 yesterday. I would not comment on any scene of the movie, but I have to say the movie did the book justice. That's just my opinion. :)

The sibling date has been scheduled last Friday, and I somehow felt disappointed that I could not pay for the movie. But I immediately pulled myself from the negativity and instead felt happy that I'll be enjoying an awaited movie with my siblings. I don't really remember the last time we watched together in a movie house.

Seeing how Prim grew into a beautiful lady reminded of my previous realization that my siblings were already grown up. I glanced at my siblings quite a few times just to confirm that they are young adults. My memories of being with them in the movie house involved being amazed at Harry Potter and his friends' wonderful adventures. Our childlike reactions seemed very shallow then, but having these replayed in my mind proved to be more valuable now. I also leaned towards my siblings during the movie. Me and my brother shared a few laughs about our jokes on some scenes of the movie, while my sister did not want to be bothered because she wanted to concentrate on the movie. I tried my best to tell her about me and our brother's jokes, but she really had the will power to refuse our attempts at noise.

When the movie ended, we did not want to leave our seats. We planned to watch the movie twice, but we had to leave the movie house since it was already late. Time seemed to freeze in the movie house. The next thing we knew was we were exiting Panem and entering reality again.

Maybe the movie date was another confirmation for me in a way or another. All we have left is moving forward. Maybe there will be moments of feeling stuck or stagnant, but after overcoming this feeling, growth follows. Soon, me and my siblings will have our own careers and movie dates may become more foreign to us. But with the possibility of change, I will try my best to have more bonding moments with my siblings and family. There are just too many things to do and too many experiences to be cherished.

I hope you find time to have a date with your siblings.

Until the next date,

Myra

Intersection 10

When a movie and tears meet...

I have just finished watching If I Stay. I know, I know. I have watched the movie too far from it's released date and flashing reviews. To be honest, compared to the majority of people, I conscientiously watch movie adaptations of best-selling books after the fuss and talk about the movie comes to a low. There are exceptions of course (Harry Potter and the first two movies of Hunger Games where I was one of the people who went to the cinema to be in the 'in' zone). Anyways, back to my reflection on the intersection.

It has been a long time since a movie has made me feel very emotional. I have read the book (and also the continuation, Where She Went), and I always have high expectations for movie adaptations in general, but the scene where Mia's grandfather spoke to her just sparked the emotional wires in my body. For that scene, my eyes could not control themselves and ended up bursting in tears. The next scenes were heart aching, but not at the same level as that of Mia and her grandfather's scene.

Having my heartstrings pulled or  torn by a heavy scene makes me feel more alive. These types of scenes assure me that I am human enough to relate to a situation, to someone I do not know personally, to a person who portrays a story (fictional or not). My tears also confirm the value of art I am getting myself temporarily attached to, that even for a few moments, I can feel how the character feels. I can deem tangible what he or she is feeling. I can perceive his or her emotions are real, even if they were primarily caused by a script or story.

Besides the type of scenes that make us cry, I believe we have encountered scenes or lines in other movies that have reached our depths and those that have broken our soul. There are also those scenes that have removed our hearts then harshly placed it back to its place, Some may have spun our minds just to reveal themselves as a joke or a game. These types of scenes have surely affected us in a more complex way than others, changing our perspectives - maybe even our lives.

I may be affected by another movie scene in another time, but I will surely remember the way I felt seeing and hearing Mia's grandfather giving his approval of whatever choice Mia will make, even if it will be against what he was hoping for. He was willing to sacrifice his own wish for his granddaughter. He was willing to have his heart pierced for plenty of times to respect his granddaughter. I guess this unsaid sacrifices will be the things that will be affecting my perspectives from this day on.

I hope you find a scene or a line that tugs your heartstrings which will give you a new or better perspective.

Until the next pull at my heartstrings,

Myra

(Credits to kristinrunyan.com for the photo)

Intersection 9

When preparing and waiting meet...

I have prepared dinner for my family yesterday. The meal was not that fancy, but I prepared something that we don't usually have for dinner. After the preparations, I felt hungry and wanted to chow down, even if my parents were not home yet. My siblings would not have bothered if I ate ahead of them since they were not as hungry as I was, as they told me. Despite my desire to fill my roaring stomach, I controlled myself enough to wait for our parents.

Waiting when you're hungry is not an ideal situation for anyone. There is a tendency that emotions will be heightened. Tempers will be shorter and everything may seem more annoying or irritating than they usually are. Maybe you'd even say things you don't sincerely mean or do something that makes other people misunderstand you. Well, I guess hunger is not something you can play with.

I kept myself busy to put aside my hunger. My perspective about family dinners has strengthened when I came home, knowing that it is one of the few moments in a day where we can have conversations and share whatever we may want to talk about. Even the silence during family dinners may be comforting because I feel assured that these people I am eating with are the people who will be there for me no matter what.

Our parents arrived around 40 minutes after I have prepared dinner. I was helping my sister with her home work that I haven't realized my hunger was in a pause. I guess I distracted myself well. The excitement of seeing my parents' expression of surprise filled me again. It felt nice to have your effort gain smiles. And with this gesture, dinner turned out to be wonderful.

With my encounter of hunger and waiting, I have realized that I have learned to be more patient about little things. If this would have happened before, I would have probably eaten before our parents have arrived. I may have not even asked my siblings if they would want to eat with me since I was really hungry. I am surprising myself with these realizations of mine. Like my mind is searching for details of personal changes, even if these details may not be noticed by other people. I guess I am looking for small improvements for me to cover my negative thoughts on other aspects of life. And maybe this will help me work on major events soon.

I hope you do find something to prepare and wait for.

Until the next preparation,

Myra

(Credits to vegastech.com for the photo)

Intersection 8

When my pace of walking meets the crowd...

I walked on one of the famous roads in our city today. However, I could not believe how I perceived the general public's walking pace as very slow compared to mine. I found myself saying, "Excuse me" a lot of times. My feet were very eager to over take someone, my feet acted as if they were on a race - wherein I was the only participant. Remembering that I was in an environment that catered to less busyness, I calmed myself and tried my best to pattern my walking pace to those of the people around me.

Well, I failed about 70 percent of the time. I even found myself beating taxis that were heading for the pedestrian lane I was stepping on. I must have annoyed a few drivers with my speed (if that is how they saw it). Has any stranger found my quick steps surprising? Maybe some may have perceived it as momentarily irritating. I hope I didn't ruin anyone's thoughts or plans or day. I really hope so.

Realizing that my pace in walking is significantly faster than most people around me, I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I probably still am attached to the very quick-paced mindset of my workplace, but I feel a little sad about how I cannot seem to relate to the people in my hometown in terms of movement. Maybe I have always seen footsteps as a sign of a certain culture, a trait that is common for people sharing the same idea of time. Well, time is subjective in most cases. Maybe I was too quick in walking because I had a goal (in this case, a meeting with a friend) in mind. Maybe people who walked slower had no place in mind to go to. Maybe they were just walking slower for sightseeing, or they wanted to prolong conversations. Maybe they had too many things going at the same time in their mind that their feet couldn't keep up. Or maybe walking on that road was a part of a routine - something inevitable.

I'd probably get used to the typical pace of walking here. I don't know how long it would take, or if I'd ever perfectly match to anyone's walking pace, but I am content about slowly realizing and accepting the changes that have happened. Changes that may be surprising. Changes that may make me feel disappointed. Even changes that delight me. No matter how these changes will make me feel, I ought to be better than before - strengthening my individuality as a whole.

I hope you find something about you that matches with other people.

Until the next footstep,

Myra

(Credits to www.travelsmart.ca for the photo)

Intersection 7

When birthday celebration and washing the dishes meet...

Today, we celebrated the birthdays of my siblings. And along with the celebration of two important days of our family's lives, I felt the need to share my reflection on this special occasions. I'll begin with my task of washing the dishes once the feast was over.

I let out a sigh as I saw the piles of plates and other dining utensils on the sink. I knew I had nothing to complain about, but I guess I was unused to the sight in front of me. Fortunately, I finished the dishes in less than hour, thanks to my cousin who helped me.

In the minutes I spent making the dishes into their original clean state, I suddenly realized my siblings were growing old. I still cannot believe their ages when I asked them about it. Time must have made it that way, quietly moving while I do not take notice of its hands. We are not getting any younger, but I feel like my siblings are still the children I have always looked out for. They were the boy and girl whom I had petty fights with yet share food and jokes with. They were the boy and girl who had their own world at times yet include me in their random conversations. They were the boy and girl who have different interests from me yet agree with me about some things.

Now, they are a year older. And I cannot stop but feel older as well.

I feel happy about them learning life lessons and gaining different experiences. I will always be amazed at how we get to to be closer everyday, even if we have different hobbies or preferences. They might see their birthday as a sign of adding another year to their age, but I know that with this comes the opportunities for maturity and wisdom. They would have to make more difficult and more exciting decisions soon and they will surely encounter challenges along the way, but I know I will be there when they need me. I will always choose to be there. Maybe we would have misunderstandings or even rounds of petty fights like when we were younger, but I hope they can trust me about anything.

If ever my siblings do read this post, I hope they would not find this cheesy. Anyway, I always pray for their happiness and contentment.

I also hope you and your siblings (or best friend) will celebrate amazing birthdays together too.

Until the next celebration,

Myra

(Credits to wvnh.com for the photo)

Intersection 6

When travelling meets a new perspective...

I have not posted entries for the past two days since I had to fix a few things which required me to go back to Manila. Travelling to the place where I was employed for five months made me feel a little nostalgic. I remembered how I felt the very first time I went to the place. I remembered how I tried to blend with the crowd, observing the dominant culture and also taking note of the sub-groups' subtlety. I had a wonderful time learning a lot of things and it felt a little strange how my most recent trip gave me a sense of being an outsider - looking at the place from a different angle.

I was immediately oriented to the quick pacing of time, the suppressed panic of reaching scheduled meetings and deadlines, the way milliseconds of the stop light was torture, the degrees of chaos and organization, the manners of freedom and restriction. I quickly got over the rush of panic  and re-framed the way I thought. The place required me to mentally tip-toe... with grace.

Seeing my office mates and familiar places made me wonder how I could be doing if I have not decided to leave. Would I be primarily reflecting on every thing I have said and done, the things I have not said and have not done? Would I be doing better? Would I be asking the same questions? Would my questions still have same answers? Or would the answers be non-existent?  And more questions. I guess I never run out of them.

Though I never will know the answers to questions of would have or or could have been, my current perspectives are not tainted with regrets. I have chosen, and I will decide to work things out. This journey has had plenty of curves already, how can I refuse learning? Adventures are never defined by straight lines. In the crazy curves of our paths, we may either be prepared or surprised. One's feelings of being prepared have been the result of encountering curves (or intersections) in the past while surprises are the first steps of lessons we need for 'crazier' road blocks.

Along with meeting challenges is the possibility of feeling regret. I have encountered this before, but I vowed to myself to decide on something that will make me feel less regretful. Also, I guess I am constantly learning to choose not to regret. In this manner, I am training myself not to linger on the negative effects of a decision, but see them as life lessons. There will always be something we have not learned yet.

I hope you discover a new perspective about anything today.

Until the next angle,

Myra

Intersection 5

When a typewriter and my excitement meets...

I feel giddy about sharing my joy when I see (hear or even think about) a typewriter! Does this seem odd to you? Don't worry, I am used to receiving very curious reactions when I talk about my dream of owning a typewriter (or typewriters). I am not sure how I will begin explaining my passion for typewriters, but I really - seriously - would want to own one soon.

My heart fluttered yesterday when I saw a typewriter in my mother's office. She attended to her work and allowed me to use the typewriter, which I did not hesitate to follow. Memories of me typing on library cards when I was in the 4th grade rushed to me as my fingers touched the keys of the typewriter. Euphoria.

I randomly pressed letters, trying to imagine myself as a writer in an age where computers are seen as impossible. I imagined how my mind would instantly connect to the keys, memorizing the arrangement of letters and celebrating the rhythm of every key. Everything focused on those moments, and I just knew I had to create pieces on the golden device under my hands.

So, I did.

For sunrises are beautiful,
Like your presence
Refreshing and hopeful.
For sunsets are pleasant,
Like your voice and silence,
With signatures all over them.
Marked by your identity,
You summarize my hopes.
                              - Nov. 9, 2014

***************

My sister looked at me with an understanding expression as I shared my ecstatic feelings for the typewriter in our mother's office. She nodded like she understood, but I know she found it very weird for me to be too happy about an old version of the computer. Because I wanted to prove my sincerity towards the typewriter, I asked her to give me 10 random words. I told her I will create a poem with the words she thinks of.

First set: stars, sky, grades, Anna, blame, sight, memoir, water, mint, raise

Here's what I have come up with after 5 minutes:

A memoir of happiness,
Mirroring the mint hued skies
The refreshing sight of waves,
Of waters, deep and blue.
Though the stars seem too far,
I cannot blame them
For you decided to flee.
The grades of pain we felt,
Our sorrows, we have never raised
Never dealt with.
How can bonds be mere voids?
Oh Anna,
Have we just said goodbye?

My sister expressed how amazed she was about how fast I created the piece. I guess she finally had a clue about how a typewriter affects and inspires me.

I have created more poems, but I think I'll be saving them for my book/s. I hope you'll buy a copy if I do publish my work.

I hope you find inspiration from something you are excited about, even if most people would not understand.

Until the next 'odd' inspiration,

Myra

(Credit to collectorsweekly.com for the photo)

Intersection 4

When waiting and assurance meet...

I met with one of my closest friends today. Our meeting was scheduled at 2 pm, but ended up seeing each other at past 3 pm. We shared a silent hug. Words were not necessary for a few seconds. The hug defined the words "I missed you", in the most honest way possible. As natural as how real friendships go, we began our conversation with smiles. Though we have shared numerous stories, we still have not mentioned everything we wanted to say. When we were exchanging text messages prior to our first meeting in two months, our messages flew like there was no tomorrow. But when we finally met, those stories seemed to suddenly turn into bubbles, vanishing with their own emotion and perspective.

Despite the seemingly lacking number of stories, we still had an amazing time walking inside a mall. We probably have paced on a few floors for about 5 times, but we did not mind. Our feet kept us in sync with the crowd even if our minds were not focused on the Saturday vibe. We also spent more than an hour in a milk tea shop. I felt quite guilty about it since we ended up in the shop because of my ardent preference for milk tea.

With many of my recent experiences shaking my perspectives and beliefs, I realized that I have changed. I guess I have been  reluctant to admit this to myself (and even to the people I care about), but talking to my friend made me conscious about how I acted around her. I fidgeted and avoided aye contact. My hand gestures subconsciously aimed to cover my face. I only mention new topics when I know she had nothing to add to her recent story. I rarely asked questions in our conversations (which is something highly unlikely to me before). 

Basically, if I would be observed by an outsider,  I may seem like I was unconnected and uninterested in the conversation.

My friend noticed how 'disengaged' I appeared and assured me that she understood me. I felt disappointed with how I was ruining the excitement of our meeting. I knew the reason (or reasons) as to why I was acting that way, but I could not explain them. Maybe I choose not to explain them because if I do, things will seem very drastic for me. 

And I wasn't sure how I'll react to the perspective of another radical situation.

We didn't dwell on my difficulty of expression. She just told me that I'll be better - no matter how long of a time I needed to achieve it. 

With her words, I realized an interesting connection between waiting and assurance. Generally, waiting makes a number of people impatient. We tend to measure years as days, days as hours or hours as seconds. We have the tendency to blame the other person or become defensive when we do not act upon schedules. But with assurance, whatever form this may be, we become more open to possibilities. We then view waiting as a temporary state, as something that shall (and not can) pass. Assurance provides us the hope that our path will coincide with the something (or someone) we are (or have been) waiting for. The mere idea of guarantee strongly affects our perspective about waiting.

I hope we have the chance and choice to grant ourselves assurance. I also hope that your path soon intersects with that something (or that someone) you have waited for.

Until the next assurance.

Myra

(Credit to LinkedIn.com for the photo)

Intersection 3

When unemployment and the real essence of time meet...

I spent the night at my best friend's house. We arrived at her home at around 7:45 pm. I waited for her in front of a bookstore because she was coming from her work place. I felt awkward waiting for her, not because of the idea of waiting itself, but because I was surrounded by (again) an unfamiliar familiar crowd. People were walking past me, busily pacing to go home. Groups of students were sharing stories, some were laughing at their inside jokes. The different movements around me seemed overwhelmingly interesting. Though people's footsteps were fast, they were too slow compared to the ones I am used to seeing for five months. I also have not seen anyone talking over his/her cellphone. It was like viewing my home city in a different perspective. And I felt amazed how appreciative my current view about this place has become.

Back to my take on the real essence of time...

As soon as I and my best friend met, our stories flowed like drops from an open faucet. We no longer had to say "Hello" or "How are you?". We no longer needed to hug each other tightly to express how happy we were or how much we missed each other's presence. Our minds just melded into the type of conversation we have always had - refreshing and reflective. We had to wait for around 40 minutes to ride a jeepney to her place. For her, it was the first time in a long time she waited for so long to ride a jeepney. For me, 40 minutes was a usual waiting time in terms of transportation. Back in Manila, 40 minutes may even be the average amount of time you wait for a ride - that's if it's not raining or it has not rained. But there are also times when I was very lucky. Like having a jeepney come to you the moment you cross a pedestrian lane. :)

She cooked pasta for dinner. And even if it was another round of waiting, I was surprised by how the seconds went very slowly. We finished dinner at around 9 pm and we continued to share random stories until around past 12 am. We even laughed about some memories of our high school days. My eyes were feeling heavy at around 10 pm, but we were both ecstatic to share our experiences. I am very grateful for the long conversation - even if it was not defined by chronological sense.

At 5:30 a,m., her alarm woke us up. Just like how we conversed, we began telling stories again - with our backs against our beds and blankets all over our faces. The cool morning made our voices sound a little husky,yet we still heartily laughed and talked. Our unusual radars of friendship worked again.

Though we had to go to town early because she had work, I feel very happy about spending time with one of the persons I missed and haven't seen in two months. The span of time may be silly for other people to miss someone so bad, but the conversation we had was something I needed to reassure me of what I needed - of what I lacked before. We still have no concrete plans of when we'll meet again, but I know it will be easier now. She can tell me anything. anytime and I can tell her anything at any time too. This I guess is how time and real friendship works.

I hope you also have a wonderful conversation with that someone you have not seen in a while - maybe even that someone you heartachingly miss.

Until the next ticks and tocks,

Myra

(Credit to deviantart,com for the photo)

Intersection 2

When unemployment meets a refreshing excitement...

I woke up at around 8:30 am today. Quite unusual for me to wake up this 'early'. Before, whenever I have more than usual hours to sleep, I often wake up at around 10:30 am. Yes, this is how random my blog posts can be. Oh well. I hope I do make more sense in the next sentences.

For the first time in a long time, I felt excited to do household chores. How seriously weird is that, right? I even found myself singing as I ironed a few pieces of clothing of my family (which I rarely do before). Right now, I am still surprised that I actually ironed for 2 hours. That's something good to share, right? *insert wide-eyed charming smile*

Excitement. A word that I have usually associated to the outdoors. Before, when I think of excitement, it was all about adrenaline rush - bungee jumping, sky diving, amusement parks, spending the day out with other people. But today, excitement for me was having something done without hesitation. Doing something just because you want to, not really expecting something (even praise) in return. Ironing clothes may be stressful to most people, but I feel happy that I didn't see it as such today. A little thing to be grateful for.

I'm also excited because I'd be seeing my best friend for the first time in two months (as far as I remember). We have had a lot of experiences apart in the last few months, but we would definitely catch up with long conversations and laughter. I know our stories will be full of vibrant tones and life lessons.

Today also marks a certain motivation within me to publish a book in the next year or two. Having pushed myself to create this blog is one thing, and publishing a book would definitely be another marked item in my bucket list. I know it will be difficult to look for a publisher who'd want to make my dream come true, but I am hoping for the best. I already have the book's lay-out in my mind, even the pieces within it. I just pray that my book will be noticed by people I have never met.

Sigh. Every idea, every dream that I have long forgotten, every spark of hope for any wonderful opportunity to come my way elates me. I am just beginning my journey after my first job, and I feel like there are already a number of open doors presented to me. How many more are there yet to be discovered? How many more possibilities shall I encounter? Everything seems to be swirling like a huge and endless rainbow.

And I am very grateful for everything. I always assured myself that I can someday do this or that. I have always assured myself that I can soon be this or that. But when is that someday? Or when is soon? If I haven't made a decision to begin, I can never know how far am I to someday or soon. This adventure may be comprised of a million or gazillion steps, but I am happy to be creating little steps at a time. With continuous effort and hard work, I know my someday and soon will definitely be tomorrow.

I hope you take a step to reach your someday and soon too.

Until the next step,

Myra

(Credit to appleinsider.com for the photo)

Intersection 1

When unemployment and unfamiliar familiarity meet...

Waking up today gave me shivers down my spine... literally. I was very surprised to feel myself hugging something (which turned out to be my Winnie the Pooh stuffed toy) and being too close to the ceiling. My subconscious was not properly informed about the sudden change in environment. I was subconsciously waiting to wake up in the room I was staying in when I was in Manila. I was subconsciously expecting to see a big cabinet, a wall clock, a quite cluttered desk and a full length mirror when I open my eyes.

But I saw white ceiling and a curtain rod. I sat up in an instant and glanced around, shocked by the fact that I was a few meters above the ground (since I was sleeping on the upper bed of a double deck bed). I was stunned. Really stunned.

I was at home, but I guess my mind was not yet entirely engaged in the situation. Home was not a status quo. It has not been a status quo for five months. Home was a foreign idea, something I can only grasp during a long weekend.

Sunshine peeked through the window and curtains. Then it hit me. I really was home. I took a deep breath and laid back on the bed. I stared at the ceiling for a while and found myself feeling very grateful about my decision of leaving Manila.

For the first time in a long time, I was at peace with myself. I no longer felt the spells of self-doubt and conflict. I no longer dreaded the ticking sound of the clock. I no longer looked at the clock like it was something that can save me from internal torture. I no longer saw windows as gates. I no longer see cellphones and computers as triggers of pressure. I know these things may not make sense to most people, but I was very affected by small details in the recent months. It may have been primarily my fault to over think (or over feel), but the dips of the roller coaster ride shook me pretty harshly.

As mentioned in my previous post, I do not regret having been employed for five months. My childhood dream of being tapped for work became reality with the help of my first employment, but there were just too many things that affected my choice of moving back home. I have taken in a lot of life lessons, which will most probably be reflected in my future posts. Having been searched to become an employee is an honor, but I think it's time for me to look for the 'career' I'd want to be remembered for. There is definitely no doubt my first job has taught me a lot of life lessons, but it's time for me to take the first steps of building myself first then sharing what I can offer. As Liz Ryan (an inspiring person I am following in LinkedIn, whom I never would have encountered without being connected to my first employer) said, "Only the people who get you, deserve you." Not that my first employer doesn't get me, it's just that I don't completely get myself. And without getting myself, I cannot give my best to a company - or anyone for that matter. I didn't want to be unfair and selfish. I just felt the strong need to get in touch with me.

And the last sentence may have seemed very wrong and twisted. In any case, I am doing this blog to record my personal growth. I hope I can receive feedback soon or inspire someone soon.

Until the next unfamiliarity,

Myra

(Credit to mistymornings.com for the pic)

Preview

"Beyond isn't a dream."

I saw this quote printed on a random shoe box at home and I found it very interesting to use as the first statement of my blog. I hope you find it inspiring as I did.

The birth of this blog has been inspired by a lot of things. First of all, I am officially unemployed today. The past five months I spent in Manila was a roller coaster ride I certainly do not regret. I could have chosen to stay and renew my contract, but a lot of reasons and factors have affected my decision of going back home. I have currently no solid plans of what job I will be aiming for soon, but I do know that I am ready to write a blog. I am a newbie in the blog world and I have tried (about 5 times already) to create a blog in the past, but I cannot seem to find the perfect inspiration to do one.

And now, I found it.

Intersections.

I have walked on countless intersections. The certain space where different roads connect is something most people would ignore, but I found my inspiration in these small spaces. For this blog, I am very grateful for the intersection located in the triangle garden in Makati.

I know there are numerous blogs out there. Some may be more interesting than the one you're reading now, or even more fun than what I am going to share, but I know this blog has served it's purpose when this blog inspires someone - to explore the world, to share his/her talents, to make a life-changing decision, to be his/her own self. If I can inspire someone, even if just for a few moments, I will be at peace knowing I have used the talent He has given me.

This blog will contain my journey on intersections - planned or random ones. I shall share my reflections on my most recent experiences (and maybe some memories as well). I will appreciate feedback and constructive criticisms, and I look forward to being a part of your lives. As I nervously encode the thoughts in my head, I would like to ask your patience and open-mindedness. Writing is something very special to me. Allowing people to read my compositions is something that makes me feel like I'm drowning in a huge pool of cold water. I hope you understand that there will be times when my pieces will reflect seemingly chaotic and random ideas. I will not sugar coat my ideas... I'll just arrange them in (sometimes very unusual) strings of poetic sense.

Creating this blog is beyond my expectations. Creating this blog is beyond what I can usually do. Creating this blog is beyond what I usually share. Creating this blog is beyond what my friends know. Creating this blog is beyond what I thought I already know.

Beyond. Truly a nice word to begin this journey.

I hope this first entry will be interesting enough for you to look forward to my next posts.

Until the next stroke,

Myra

(Credits to http://disko.co.za/wp-content/themes/disko_theme/post-images/Beyond_text_Old_Mutual_disko.co.za.jpg for the photo)